Who Knows?
by MelodyMalkin
Summary: Remus Lupin doesn't seem to be like everyone else. From waking up early, to turning his homework in on time, he's different. He's a sixth year, and he is starting to question his friendship with his closest friend, Sirius Black. Could it ever be more?
1. Chapter One

By PrincessPotter Rating: PG/PG-13 (PG-13 just to be safe for later chapters) Summary: Remus Lupin doesn't seem to be like everyone else. From waking up early, to turning his homework in on time, he's different. He's a sixth year, and he is starting to question his friendship with his closest friend, Sirius Black. Could it ever be something more that just friendship? If Remus ever said anything about his feelings, would it ruin their friendship? If he doesn't say anything would he be passing a chance at true love? Or could it be that it's only the wolf talking and trying to get him to do something that he'd forever regret? Feedback is loved : ) Flames will be used to heat my cauldron to make a potion to shut up whoever writes them. : )  
******!!!WARNING: Remus/Sirius pairing, don't come crying to me if you  
don't like it!!!******  
Introduction  
My family was on a camping trip, not long after my older brother had been notified to be Head Boy, and my father had wanted a "Boys' Weekend", but my mother had refused to "stay home and knit" all weekend. So she'd come along. Father was pitching a tent, Mum was mending a sleeping bag, and my brother, Samson, was trying to find something in his bag. I had only been eight at the time, and I wandered off without anyone's knowledge. I was going through the forest and looking at different creatures that had managed to catch my boyish interest as I walked. Soon, the sun was down and I was completely lost. I sat on a rock, because my mother had always told me that when I figure out that I'm lost, stay where I am because it makes it easier to be found. I looked up at the moon, and starting humming a song. I always thought that full moons were the most beautiful of the many different types I'd seen. I heard something and, scared because I was lost, turned to see what it was. I screamed as teeth tore through the flesh in my shoulder and then as I fell to the ground under the beast.  
Waking up in a deep sweat, I panted and looked around the dormitory as I always did when I had nightmares. It must be close to the full moon, I thought. I laid back down and fell asleep, waiting for the sun to rise so my day could begin.  
  
Chapter One  
It was a day like any other, the morning sun entered the dorm like every other morning and I was already awake, my favorite book propped against my knees. I looked and waited for the rest of my dorm to begin moving, but apparently that wasn't going to happen. It was usual for Sirius, James, and Peter to simply pull the covers over their heads and roll over when the sun hit them. Me? Why was I awake? I always wake up at dawn to be ready for the day ahead of me. Tell that to Sirius and he wouldn't believe me. He says I only get up to use all the hot water. Not true.  
I read on a few pages before I heard the first person beginning to move from bed. Of course, it was Peter. Followed by James. Sirius, however, was still in bed trying to get a few more moments of sleep before he would have to get up and get ready for the days classes. James sleepily waved and Peter followed, both of them trying to get into the bathroom first. Peter won, and James was stuck outside the door. "You've got a big Quidditch game today. Against Slytherin, right?" I asked, closing the book and putting it in my pillow case. "Yes. Lily will be there. I'm hoping to impress her and then I'm going to ask her to the Yule Ball." James said. When you spoke about Lily or Quidditch he was ready and willing to have a conversation.  
"Going to catch the Snitch in record time?" I asked. I knew that this one would get Sirius out of bed in an instant, because he didn't think James could do it. "Yeah right!" I was right. I looked over and I saw Sirius jumping out of bed and pulling on his pants. "James won't stand a chance. I heard that the Slytherins have a new seeker and I heard that they're not telling who it is until before the game. As much as I want the Gryffindor lot to win, I think that we don't stand a chance against the bloody Slytherins." He said, pulling on his shirt and then his tie. I always thought it was funny how Sirius always dressed so sloppily and then he would get asked to the Yule Ball by the dozens.  
I looked at the calendar where James had marked the date of the Yule Ball, as if anyone would forget. But on the same day, it was also marked "FULL MOON" in big bold letters. I wouldn't be able to go this year. Not like it mattered anyway, I thought. No one had ever asked me and I had never liked anyone enough to ask. This would be a very lonely transformation. It was three days away, and already I was beginning to feel the effects that the moon had on me. Emotionally, I was pretty much ok as long as I didn't get too upset. Physically, I became much stronger than I usually was, which is why I could seriously hurt someone if I got mad.  
Peter came out of the bathroom and James hurried in. Sirius was now dressed and sitting at the foot of my bed. "So, Moony, got a date for the Yule Ball yet? Because there's this girl in Hufflepuff and I thi---"  
"Sirius, I can't go. It's the night of the full moon." I said, sadly. How could he forget it?  
"I thought that that was next week." He picked up the calendar. "Oh wow. How could I not read that. Well, I guess I'm cancelling my plans." He turned around and smirked.  
"But you're going with what's-her-name from Ravenclaw." I said, I knew he'd fancied the girl for a while. She was one of the few people he actually liked.  
"I can cancel. I'll tell her I'm not feeling well and I'll go down to the Shack with you." He said, going over and stuffing his pack with his books. I think he was just joking.  
  
The day was horrid. Outside it was snowing like mad and the game was still on, as far as anyone knew. We were all wishing James luck in the common room and then he left. It was just me and Sirius now because Peter and everyone else in Gryffindor was going down early. However, we were trying to finish an essay on the uses of moonstone. "What in Merlin's name is the POINT of this essay?" Sirius muttered. "Bloody hell, we're never going to finish this thing. Forget it." He said, and I watched as he angrily closed his book and shoved it across the table. "I'll do it later. C'mon, Moony, we'll be late for the game." With that, he pulled me from the table and we rushed out of the common room.  
The stands were crowded, most people cheering for Gryffindor because the Slytherins had been so sure of themselves for this gave. I was freezing, my Gryffindor Scarf and layers of clothes were not helping. I saw Sirius coming back from wherever he'd needed to go and he had a large blanket in hand. "Moony, over here!" He waved and I moved to the bench where he was sitting down and pulling the blanket around him.  
"Padfoot, if y-you w-w-want to la-li-live you'll shay-share that blanket!" I said, and he pushed half off of him. Quickly, I sat down and pulled my part around myself and he looked out onto the field. I looked at Sirius, I was going to say something but I decided not to. I hadn't been that close to Sirius since our first year at Hogwarts and it was weird to see how much he'd change. I could now see why so many girls liked him. Why am I thinking this? I quickly shook the thought away. "James better finish this game fast. I'm still cold." Sirius said, leaning over slightly to see all the players coming to the field. "Do you see anyone new on the Slytherin team?" He asked. "I can't even see the Slytherins." I said, trying to see through the blinding snow that was blowing in every direction.  
The whistle blew and both teams took flight, James quickly searching for the snitch. I wondered how he'd ever see it. Normally, I'd cast a spell so that nothing would stick to his glasses but he'd left too soon and with all my homework, I'd completely forgotten. I could see Lily, not far from me, watching James as well. Whenever a bludger would head toward him, she would quickly cover her eyes and then look through hher fingers. He'd be happy to hear that.  
Throughout the game, several students left because of the frigid weather and I remembered a heating spell that would keep Sirius and my body heat inside the blanket. It wouldn't help our poor heads, however, because they were outside the blanket. I got a little warmer and I just kept watching the game. "Look at Snape!" Sirius laughed as Severus Snape, the Slytherin Keeper, dove to get the quaffle just as James was going after the snitch. "Dear God, don't let them collide!" I said, praying that James wouldn't hit Snape and vise versa.  
They didn't collide.  
I was amazed that they were still alive, but James came back up holding the snitch, and so many people were on their feet clapping it was impossible not to feel the vibrations of their cheers in the stands. Sirius and I stood at the same time, and, being wrapped in the same blanket, we both fell at the same time, as well. I fellsideways and he fell the same way and landed right on top of me. We both had startled and embarrassed expressions on our faces, but in an instant we were back up and cheering. I had to wonder, though, if it was natural for me to like the way it felt to be near him.  
That night, after dinner, I quickly went into my bed and closed the curtains, a signal that I wanted to be left alone. I pulled out a book that I often read when I had major questions about myself, my condition, or anything else I wanted to know. It was an old journal that was given to me by my father not long before he'd died. I'd never told anyone how he'd died. Only the journal, which had now come to be called "Moony", knew the truth about my parents untimely death.  
I opened it, pulled out my quill, and wrote:  
"I don't know what's happening to me. Maybe it's just the wolf acting up again, but I'm suddenly having... well... Unwanted feelings for someone..."  
I waited for an answer from it. Maybe it wouldn't answer me tonight. Of course, right when I need answers most, it's not going to answer...  
"Sirius?"  
I was taken aback by the reply. I swallowed and closed my eyes, trying to decide whether or not to write "Yes" and ask how an inanimate object could know how I felt.  
"Yes." I wrote "But how would you---" it didn't let me finish the sentence.  
"That isn't important. But you can not CAN NOT do anything about these feelings. You could end up hurting someone."  
I closed it then, not wanted to read or write anymore. I just wanted to sleep.  
"Remus, dear, come downstairs. We want to show you something." I heard my mother call me and I went downstairs from downstairs. My arm was hurting from where that monster had bitten me and I held it as I walked downstairs, my favorite comic book in my other hand. "It's not my birthday. I don't go to Hogwarts for another 3 years. Did you get me that game I wanted?" I asked delightedly as I bounded down the stairs. My mother had a semi-sad look on her face and my father was standing in front of a large metal-barred cage. "What's this?" I asked, poking the bars. "It's a cage. We're going to go hunting sometime. Why don't you get in so I can see if it's strong enough." It was an odd request to come from my father, but I did it. What harm could it bring?  
As soon as I was in, he closed it and locked it. Laughing, I threw myself against the side. "I think it'll hold." I laughed. "Now let me out."  
My father looked at my mother and began to cry. My father held her and I tried to get out. "Dad, what's going on? Why are you keeping me locked in here?"  
A moment later I felt as though my body were being ripped in two. I screamed and I knew my eyes must've been as big as galleons. I'd never felt anything more painful in my life. I wanted to die. I screamed and I begged my mother and father to help me. They left the room and left me to my agony.  
Someone was shaking me. "No...no!!" I cried, trying to get loose. "Remus wake up. It's me... Sirius. You're having another nightmare. Wake up, Moony! Before you wake everyone else." It was Sirius' voice talking, and I opened my eyes to see him sitting on the side of my bed, his hands on my shoulders.  
"Here. You're sweating bullets." He said, handing me a handkercheif. I nodded and whiped my face. "I don't know how they all sleep through you crying out. I don't know if they ignore it or what, but I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like for you having those nightmares. What was it about? You were calling your parents." Sirius said, putting on a serious face. He was hardly ever serious Sirius... He was usually happy- go-lucky Sirius.  
I was shaking from the memories of that first transformation. "You'd think I was used to it by now." I said.  
"Mate, I can't imagine ever having to get used to that type of pain." He said, closing the curtain where he'd come in. He sat at the end of the bed and looked at me. "You alright?" He asked.  
"I don't know. I think it's just because of the moon and everything that I'm getting such dreams and I can't control anything lately." I said, leaning back against my headboard.  
"Sounds unpleasant." Sirius yawned. "Well, Moony, I guess I'd better get back to my own bed. Who knows what James or Peter might think if they caught me coming out of your bed!" He joked and left.  
Yeah... I thought. Who knows? 


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two  
  
*~*  
I didn't sleep for the rest of the night, and I was already showered, dressed, and down in the common room when Sirius, James, and Peter came down the stairs. Their bags were dragging slightly and it surprised me that Sirius wasn't freaking out. I didn't know if he finished that essay for Potions, and the last thing I wanted him to do was to go and get detention for tomorrow night. Though, I thought, Maybe it would be better if he wasn't there. I pushed away the thought. I wasn't going to think of Sirius like that. I'd ruin my friendship with him if I said how I was suddenly feeling. And why should I risk it?  
They looked out the window and all three of them groaned. "How much snow can there be?"  
"I think there's about two-and-a-half feet, Padfoot." I said, not looking up. "That's bloody brilliant... And we have herbology today. AND Care of Magical Creatures." Sirius plopped down next to me in the large chair and said, in a low voice, "You don't look well. Did you get back to sleep last night?"  
I shook my head. He grabbed my arm and pulled me across the room. "Moony, you should go to the hospital wing and get a Dreamless Sleep potion. If you're that terified of your dreams you really should." He said, and he actually sounded concerned. "Not to mention, I'd like to sleep tonight, since I won't tomorrow night." He smirked.  
"You're really going?" I asked, shocked that he was really going to skip the Yule Ball to be with me.  
"Of course, you overgrown puppy. I told you I was going." I hated it when he called me that.  
"I just wasn't sure..." I said, standing to go to breakfast. I wanted to get through the day as fast as I could, and for the first time ever, I was actually looking forward to my transformation  
*~*  
  
We arrived in the common room, all of us wet and cold. Sirius had tried to melt the snow, resulting in a flood of ice-cold water spilling on each and every one of us who were in it's path. Sirius' teeth we chattering, Peter was glaring at Sirius and wringing out his robes, and James was standing by the fire. Lily decided, at that moment, to enter the room. She squealed with laughter at the sight of us all, drenched and freezing.  
"Not a word, Lily." James said, turning and looking at her.  
"Oh, I was going to offer to help you dry off, but if you don't want me too...." She said, her green eyes glowing in the firelight. It was funny.. I had never noticed she had green eyes before. Sirius had dark eyes... I think I like his better.  
What am I thinking??? I asked myself as I sat down and watched as everyone else dried off. When Lily finished them, she turned to me. "Your turn, Remus." She said, and I stood. A moment later I was dry and I thanked her. She nodded and went to sit down by James. Eventually, the way I figured it, they'd be inseperable.  
Sirius came over and squished me into the side of the chair. "We're losing him, Moony... He's gone over to the dark side. Lily accepted his invitation to the Yule Ball." He shook his head disgustedly.  
I raised my eyebrows at him. "And you thought she's decline because.....?"  
"Well, because he's James Potter. He's got a history for making trouble. You know Lily.. She's such a goody-two-shoes." He said, almost laughing.  
"Well, you go with girls places all the time. Why shouldn't he?" I asked, but I already knew the answer.  
"Because I'm better looking than he is." He looked over at a group of third year girls and winked. Each and every one of them giggled and blushed. "I have more charm then him. I bet he couldn't do that." He laughed. "C'mon, Moony. I was hoping you could help me with my Transfiguration essay that's due on Monday." He said, grabbing my arm and pulling me up the stairs. As we disappeared into the dormitories, I heard Lily say, "The day Sirius Black can do his own homework will be the day he has no interest in girls." I heard James laugh and say, "I guess that isn't going to happen."  
  
*~*  
  
I was tired, exhausted, and I felt as though I'd pass out from exhaustion. "G'night, Moony. Have good dreams tonight." He laughed and then I heard his curtains close. I closed my own and fell back onto my pillows. I slept.  
"Remus? I thought I'd come down and make sure you were alright." My mother said, walking down the stairs into the basement. I was already inside the cage and I nodded to her. "I'm fine, Mum." I was 13 years old, and I was home on Christmas holiday. "Alright. The sun is setting, so any moment now.." She was trying to make me ready. I was never ready.  
Suddenly, the pain was surging through me and before I knew what was happening I had burst through the cage door. My eyes opened in fear, but the wolf didn't listen to what my mind wanted to do. I lunged at my screaming mother and pinned her beneath me. My father came bounding through the basement door and he held his wand in hand.  
I had already injured my mother and I didn't know what I was doing. I went after him next.  
"Remus! Remus! Wake up, mate." Sirius was saying it again and again. I sat up quickly, and my face was a mere inches away from his. I felt my eyes pool with tears and I said, "I killed them, Sirius. I killed them." He looked shocked and then he pulled me close to him.  
"It was just a dream, Moony. Just a dream." He said, rubbing my back and trying to calm me.  
"No, Padfoot... It really happened. I killed them. I tore them to pieces." I sobbed, and Sirius cast a silencing spell on the bed so no one would hear us.  
"Moony, why didn't you ever tell me that? That's why you live with your aunt and uncle?" He asked, and I nodded, trying stop the tears. "You should've told me, Moony. You should've told me." He said, looking at me. "Is that why you won't ask anyone to the Yule Ball or to Hogsmeade? You're afraid to get close to anyone?" I nodded. He sighed. "Want me to stay here in case that nightmare comes back? You really should sleep." He asked. I nodded and pulled the covers back up to my chest and tried to sleep. I moved over to the edge and I saw Sirius move up and put his head on one side of the pillow. A moment later, I fell into a peaceful sleep. 


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three  
  
When I woke that morning, I still was a little shaken by the nightmare. The curtains to my bed were closed and I couldn't see a clock ,nor the sun, to tell me what time it was. I could hear Sirius softly snoring on the other side of my bed, and I remembered that he was there. I closed my eyes, something that was very out of character of me, and tried to fall back asleep. It was much more peaceful when he was there.  
  
It was really becoming clear to me that I really did fancy him. It was a scary thought, considering that Sirius could have any girl in the school, give or take a few Slytherins, that he wanted. I had no chance. But I was happy with just friendship. That's what it had been up until now, right?  
  
It must've been late, and the sun must've been rising because I heard movement around the room. I heard James first, "Now, don't go telling me that Padfoot pulled a Moony on us and went to the library early again." I could hear him pulling at the covers on, what I guess was, Sirius' bed.  
  
Then Peter was knocking on the bathroom door. "Sirius? You in there?" He said, and I could almost see his pointed little face turning to James and shaking his head. I knew what was going to come next. And it wasn't going to be easy to get out of the sitiuation I would be in momentarily.  
  
James poked his head through the curtains on my bed and said, "Moony, I was wondering if you heard--- er...." And he stopped mid-sentence upon spotting Sirius. I heard Sirius yawn and then he hit me in the head. "Ouch!" I said as he sat up. "What'm I doing here?" He asked, yawning again. "That's what I'd like to know." James said, a horrified look on his face.  
  
"Oh... I remember... Remus had another nightmare and I was going to stay over here until he fell asleep, but I guess I must've dozed off for a moment." He said. James seemed to have believed him and he pulled the rest of the curtains open. "Well, unlike Moony, some people have to take classes on the day on the day of the full moon." James said, rolling his eyes and trying to get dressed.  
  
"It's not like I choose it... I'd rather have double potions for sixteen hours straight than have to do this every month." I muttered to no one in particular.  
  
Sirius gave me a sympathetic smile, positioned his bag on his shoulder, and left for breakfast with James and Peter. I really wasn't in the mood to eat anything right away. My stomach was growling, but I wasn't going to eat because knowing my body, when I was this close to the full moon, I couldn't keep anything down. So I lay back in my bed and rolled over to where Sirius had lain. The warmth of his body was still there and, because it was so cluse to the full moon, I could smell the scent of his hair on the pillow. I rolled back over to my side, disgusted that I was even thinking about my best friend that way again.  
  
Why knows what he'd do if he ever knew?  
  
It was lunch time, and I had gone into the Great Hall for no reason at all. As I sat, waiting for my fellow Marauders, I heard Lily talking to Alice something... I didn't know her last name. I'd just seen her with Frank Longbottom a few times.  
  
"I'm telling you, Alice. He's an insufferable, intolerable prat! I can't believe he has the nerve to talk like that in front of me. You'd think, if he likes me as much as he says he does, that he'd actually respect what I want him to do and leave me alone for a change." She said.  
  
"I think it's kind of dumb of you to break off your date to the Yule Ball, Lily. Who're you going to get to go with you the day of the Yule Ball? Everyone's taken." Alice said.  
  
"I don't know. Maybe I'll ask Remus--" I pretended not to be listening "--he's always been the nicest of Potter's friends. And it's a cool name." She laughed, as did Alice, but I didn't get it.  
  
"I think I like Lily Potter better than Lily Lupin... I'd say Lily Longbottom is pretty cool, but Frank is already taken." The two girls laughed and then quieted when James walked over and sat down across from me. He looked like a dog that had just been fixed.  
  
"What now?" I asked. "McGonagall gave me detention for all next week because I tried to jinx Snivellus. He called Lily a...a you-know-what again and I tried to defend her and then she went off on how I need to stop and all that girl stuff. She should write a book. That way, I'd know what's going on in her head. I've never understood women.. They're so hard to understand. Right, Siri--- Oh my God!" James said, looking at Sirius, who, amazingly was scribbling down answers on the parchment in front of him.  
  
'You're actually doing your homework. It's not due until next week, and you're doing it. I've lost you... Where's Padfoot gone?" He asked, amazed that Sirius was doing it and he wasn't copying mine.  
  
I thought back to James' comment the day before. "The day Sirius Black can do his own homework will be the day he has no interest in girls."  
  
I almost laughed, because I knew that Sirius was probably doing his homework to impress someone in one of his classes. I rolled my eyes. "He probably did something wrong in class today and he decided to finish before he gets in trouble. Did you set fire to someone's parchment?" I asked.  
  
He grinned and shook his head. "No, I'm just doing my homework for a change. I don't have anything to worry about tonight because I'm not going to the Yule Ball so why bother?" He said.  
  
James said, "I don't know if there's a point in my going anymore.. Lily cancelled on me because I went after Snape again. Remember in fifth year when she went off on me because we were having fun, and then she freaked out on my defending her when he called her a... a you-know-what then too.. Maybe this time I'll get a clue and let him harrass her... Nah... It's to much fun when she nags me." He grinned and looked down the table at Lily. "Evans! Just the girl I wanted to see..." He said, before getting up and going to sit next to her.  
  
Sirius rolled his eyes. "I reckon she'll hit him with a hex in the next five minutes that'll land him in the Hospital Wing..." He said, looking down at his homework, and then said, "D'you think you could go over this for me?"  
  
I took the paper. "Thanks. You can give it back to me later. I don't want to be here when you read it in case there's anything wrong with it." He said, grabbing his stuff and leaving. I didn't know what would be wrong with it, and then I saw the title:  
  
Werewolves  
An Essay by Sirius Black  
  
It was probably assigned for Defense Against the Dark Arts class. I scanned over it. It wasn't as long as it probably should be, and Sirius probably just wanted me to put in thoughts and different facts that the professor would probably be looking for. I walked back to Gryffindor Common Room to read it. When I got there, I sat at a table with my quill and ink to make any corrections that were needed, and I began to read.  
  
Werewolves are human beings that have been bitten by another werewolf and  
infected with the disease known as Lycanthropy. The disease cause the body to shift and rearrange itself to  
resemble a half-man, half-wolf creatre on the night of the full moon. Many werewolves have been executed, many killed  
in the attack of a human being. The identities of these people is often kept a secret, for the person's fear of  
execution. People who are infected often show several different signs. They often eat red meat around the time of  
the full moon; The often widthdraw themselves; They become alot stronger than they usually are; The person will often be  
haunted by nightmares of the person/persons  
that he or she has attacked in the past. I can't be certain that this  
happens to everyone, but I've seen it happen before. Werewolves can be killed, most commonly, by pure silver. A silver bullet or  
knife could kill a werewolf on impact. It is also known that, as wolves often do, the people who are infected with  
the disease often find a parter and stay with that person for life. If the other person dies, or if the other person  
leaves the infected, it is likely that the  
werewolf would not be able to go on. Meaning, that many people who have  
Lycanthropy often don't generally marry  
because of the fear of hurting the other person.  
  
It surprised me that he knew that much, because he hadn't been reading it in a book on the table. Had he pulled all of that from his head? I made one or two spelling corrections and stood to take it to the dorm and put it somewhere where he would be sure to find it. Before I was to the entrance to the dorms, however, the portrait hole opened and in popped Sirius.  
  
"How bad is it?" He asked, seeing me.  
  
"A couple spelling things, but other than that I think it was very informative." I said, handing him the parchment.  
  
"Really?" He sounded surprised.  
  
"Yes. I think all of it is true." I said, as he took it.  
  
"Which part aren't you sure about?" He asked, looking down at the few changes I'd made.  
  
"Well, some of it I just haven't experienced." I laughed.  
  
"Which? I know you have the nightmares... I know you know about the whole silver thing... ANd you don't let people near you and you don't go out with girls like the rest of us because you're either afraid of getting hurt, or you're afraid of hurting them..." He said.  
  
Before I knew what I had said, I said "Or maybe I just don't like them."  
  
"What?" He asked quickly. I guess he thought he heard me wrong, and I was happy about that. "I just don't like anyone here." I muttered.  
  
"I thought you said something else." He said, and I thought I saw a hint of pink in his cheeks. I know there was probably alot of red in mine. "Uh... I think you should be heading down to the Hospital Wing so you can be ready. The sun looks like it's going down a little." He said, not meeting my eyes. I nodded and walked out the door.  
  
From the way he'd looked so embarrassed by my comment, I had to wonder... Could this friendship be more? 


	4. Chapter Four

**Chapter Four**

***~***

**M**adam Pomfrey was handing me potion after potion. We went through the same routine before every one of my transformations. There was no potion that would help to ease the pain, so she tried to give me as many as she could without giving me an overdose of one type of pain killer. It made me dizzy and sick, but that was only because I wasn't in pain yet, so my body was trying to adjust to the potions.

When she was satisfied with the potions she'd given me, she took my arm and began to walk toward the entrance hall. From there, she would make sure the coast was clear and take me down to the Whomping Willow. When we got outside, it was cool and somewhat windy. Her hand was still on my arm, and I was becoming more and more tired by the second. I was so dizzy, now, from the potions that I couldn't see straight. We got to the Willow and she walked in with me. "Now, Remus, I want you to wait for me to come and get you in the morning. If I'm not here, don't panic. I'll get down around 8 o'clock, because usually by then I have the potions I need to fix the cuts and bruises you usually have." She said as I unclasped my robe (with much difficulty) and handed it to her. My head was throbbing, but I managed to nodd. "I'll see you in the morning." She said, and with that she turned and left.

It wasn't long before I heard steps coming through the Shack. "Moony?" Sirius said. "How much longer?" I asked. I hadn't seen the sun setting all the way. "Prob'ly 10 minutes or so." He said, leaning against the wall. "You should probably transform, just in case." I said, closing my eyes and rubbing my temples.

"Headache?" He asked. "I'm dizzier than as if I have been spinning for hours on end, and my head is throbbing." I replied.

"Ah, doesn't sound pleasant. Well, I guess I'll speak to you in few moments." He said, and when I opened my eyes, there was a large black dog in front of me. I smiled for a brief instant and stared at him. "Well, Padfoot, not much longer." I said, feeling a tingling in my arms. I knew my transformation was going to begin.

I cried out as the first phase of the transformation ripped through me, causing me to double over. I saw my hands turning into beastly claws; My arms changed shape and were covered in a thick, brown fur. I closed my eyes and bit down fiercely on my lip as the rest of my body changed into the wolf. The worst was over now, and I just had to make it through the night without tearing at my arms and legs with my claws. That's why Sirius was there... To keep me calm...

*~*

When I woke up, I had an unusual feeling of comfort, something that wasn't usually there when I woke from my transformation. I opened my eyes and saw that my head was rested lightly on a back of thick, black fur. I smiled, wondering if I should wake Sirius so he could transform into his human form and get back to the castle before Madam Pomfrey came down and found him there. Weakly, I stood and walked into the passageway of the Shack to see how high the sun was. Judging by it's height, it was probably about six o'clock.

I looked at the small hanger that had my robes and shirt on it and I pulled them off of it and pulled my shirt on over my head. I hung my robe up again. I was shaking a little from the effort of moving around, and I steadied myself against the wall. Using the wall for support I looked back through the entrance at the sun. I heard a rustle coming from a little ways away and I turned to see Sirius standing and stretching. He walked over to me, "Need any help getting anything?" He asked. I wasn't really used to him still being here. Usually, when I woke James, Peter, and Sirius were already gone.

"I think I'm ok." I said, leaning against the wall. 

"C'mon... Come in here and sit on something a little more comfortable than dirt." He said, offering me his shoulder to support myself on. I put one of my arms across his shoulders and supported most of my weight on him as I walked. He helped me to sit down and then walked back to the entrance. "Did you already figure out what time it is or should I try to remembed my Astronomy notes on time?" I heard him ask. 

"It's about six."

"Bloody hell... How did I manage to wake up?" He walked back in and adjusted his hair and clothes. I shrugged, closed my eyes, and leaned against the headboard of the slashed bed. The bed moved and I opened my eyes to see him sitting on the end of it.

"Remus?" 

"Hm?"

"Why didn't you ever tell me about your parents?"

I almost fell over. I hadn't been expecting that. I was silent.

"I mean, we've been really good friends for a while, I can understand keeping the whole 'I-change-into-a-werewolf-every-full-moon' bit a secret, but I couldn't believe you hadn't told me how your parents died... I always assumed.." He trailed off and I looked at him, sighing deeply. I didn't know if I could tell him why without telling him anything I wouldn't want him to know.

"I just..." I said, searching for the words. "Not many people know... My aunt and uncle know, the Ministry knows. God knows the Ministry knows... They tried to stop me from coming back to school after that. Said I was too dangerous to be around other students." 

"You still haven't told me why you didn't tell me."

"I don't tell the people that I'm close to... That I care about... I'm too afraid to lose them, I guess. You're the best friend I've ever had, Sirius. James and Peter were a little spooked when you lot found out about my 'condition', but you just stayed calm and acted like it was something you see everyday. I didn't want you to be afraid of me like my aunt and uncle are." 

"Your aunt and uncle are afraid of you? Your own family?"

"I killed my parents, Sirius! Of course they're going to be afraid!"

"Well... I wasn't when you told me."

"I thought you would be. But I didn't actually tell you purposely... it was just... I don't know." I said, becoming more emotional again. He moved up and sat next to me. "I know what it's like to be in a family full of nutters. Ignore your aunt and uncle. I like them... I don't think they like me, but I like them. They just don't understand what you go through and how you can't control what you do. There are times when I can't control myself, either." He said, not taking his eyes away from mine.

"When?" I asked, confused.

"Like now." He said, somewhat nervously. I didn't understand what he had meant, and I opened my mouth to say, "What do you mean?" but all that got out was "Wha--" before his lips touched mine.

I didn't understand what was happening, and it took my brain a moment to react. I closed my eyes and tried to figure out if I was dreaming or if it reall was happening. With one hand, I pinched my side. With the other, I reached up and touched Sirius' face. I didn't want it to end. I didn't care if Madam Pomfrey came in and found us kissing, I just wanted to make the moment last forever. I didn't want him to pull away, and I most certainly had no plans of pulling away any time soon. 

When we finally did part, it was because neither one of us wanted to die from lack of oxygen. We couldn't look eachother in the eye for a few moments, and I thought he regretted it when he finally swalloed hard, and, still not looking at me said, "I've wanted to do that for a long time. I just... I thought you'd..."

"Push you away?" I asked, not looking at him, either.

"I thought I'd ruin our friendship... Did I?"

"I participated in that kiss as well... I'd like to think it was consensual." I said, trying to get him to laugh, but I only saw the makings of a smile on his face.

"I thought maybe you thought you had to..."

"Sirius, I've wanted that for a long time. Longer than I'd care to admit."

He turned to look at me and I smiled sadly. "Me, too." He said, and then he kissed me again, though this time he put his hand on the back of my neck to bring us closer together. I touched his shoulder and when we pulled apart both of us were somewhat flushed.

"I should probably go.. If Pomfrey catches me down here, she'll kill me." 


End file.
